"Teddy loves you: friends for ever"

Title: Ted

Year: 2012

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy

Director: Seth MacFarlane

Writer: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild (written by) and Seth MacFarlane (story)

Runtime: 106min

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi

Produc.: Universal Pictures, Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, Bluegrass Films, Smart Entertainment

Budget: $50 million approx.

In Ted, John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) is a lonely and unpopular boy, that on Christmas morning receives a teddy bear (Seth MacFarlane). That night John makes a wish, with no idea that this will be fulfilled.

At the age of 8, John (Bretton Manley) has troubles to relate with others. Every time he tries to approach other children, they reject him, making him someone lonely. Christmas arrives and with it, a special gift. A stuffed bear.

No other gift could be more harmless. However, when the bear becomes a substitute for other children, the matter becomes quite different. A bear that only says "Teddy loves you" is now his only friend, and its affectionate recorded message, something that makes John feel appreciated.

If already, in itself, the situation was not good, John makes at night a wish, with similar characteristics to the one of Pinocchio´s Geppetto. Of course, who would have thought that it would come true.

MacFarlane passes, in just a few minutes, to show how the new Ted, first frightens John parents, then becomes a public figure, and finally ends up being just another citizen, only hairy and lower. If something the director has not intended, is that this bear called the attention.

Shown the title and the initial credits, MacFarlane jumps directly to what has come to be, nowadays, the buddies relationship between man and bear. Already in the first shots we distinguish in the duo, clear signs of decay. 27 years after the so innocents John and Ted met, his plush friend is now a disordered, a foul-mouthed and an avid drug´s lover. Meanwhile, John has had some progress. He talks with his officemates, besides having his girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis).

As a determining element for the film to fail, is that between conflicts there are too long scenes, and which end up not being functional. About this, the only thing I can say is that, to see it and understand it, it is required patience. Evidently, the director not always sought to give us information, but sometimes he simply expected the public to just laugh.

When one has already psyched about what has got in front, will notice that John is a character, to whom to cling to his childhood doll has hindered him to mature. With Ted at his side, for John it is impossible to maintain a responsible bond with the woman he loves, to still continue stalled.

There is also a sub plot about a father (Giovanni Ribisi) who wants to give his son (Aedin Mincks) that bear that he never got, after seeing it on TV, as a kid. With the inclusion of these two characters, we are given a little more suspense, with a kidnapping and a car chase, but above all, that for a brief moment we have another persepctive about suffered childhood.

Beyond its excessive length and some forced situations, Ted anyhow has a resolution that gives us to think, besides having some wise moves. To see how this plush, that previously distanced John from Lori, is at last what unites them, has no waste.

Unfortunatelly, globally speaking, MacFarlane´s lack of seriousness as a librettist is clearly visible, in a film that has too many minutes to be skipped.

My rating: 4/10

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"Homage... or imitation?"

Title: Alien Trespass

Year: 2009

Genre: Comedy, Horror, C. Fiction

Director: R. W. Goodwin

Writer: Steven P. Fisher (written by), James Swift and Steven P. Fisher (story)

Runtime: 90min

Cast: Eric McCormack, Jenni Baird, Robert Patrick, Jody Thompson, Dan Lauria, Aaron Brooks, Sarah Smyth, Andrew Dunbar, Sage Brocklebank

Produc.: Rangeland Productions, Accelerator Films

In Alien Trespass, Urp (Eric McCormack), the extraterrestrial, is forced to take human form, to mingle among the inhabitants of a town and save them from the Ghotas.

If one tarried to think what the world was like six decades ago, would find a society that was very different from the present, and in which many of the advances we now assume of everyday, not even existed. Think, for example, in cell phones, computers, or in the possibility of going into space and to the moon.

It would be in that society, still far away from the XXIst century, where also would appear movies such as Destination Moon (1950), The Man from Planet X (1951) or The Blob (1958).

Undoubtedly, to refer nowadays to this cinema, is to talk about something primitive. In the same way as before, certain technological advances were not even imaginable, that was on par translatable to the seventh art. Surely no one would have been able to bear with the nearly two hours of Alien (1979) by Ridley Scott. Movie for which the society would first have to undergo a series of changes, both social and psychological. Or in other words: the public of the 50s would have yet to evolve.

It is in this way thay, if we, people of the new millennium suddenly saw this cinema of yore, rather than get frightened, would surely end up laughing. Because what before used to impress an adult, hopefully today, could scare a kid. Although, considering all the possibilities of audiovisual consumption that have today´s little ones, I see this, in fact, as difficult.

R. W. Goodwin directs this product, from which all I have been able to get, is that it was a failed homage to the horror and science fiction movies from his youth. Otherwise, I would say that it has been a waste.

What is, exactly, what he proposed to us? The typical little tale about space invaders, and that applies all seen in our grandparents' times. Aliens usurping human bodies, to mingle among us; laser weapons; one-eyed monsters; and youngsters who speak the truth, but whom the police treats as liars. As if this were not enough, you see teenagers making out in a car, when we would now see them doing much more than that.

As I said before, with it is intended to pay homage to the alien movies from another era. However, honoring should not be confused with copying. And here, it is basically that, what was accomplished. I think all tributes should necessarily have a personal stamp of the director and not be a mere imitation. To have a joke, or "something" distinctive, wherewith making us clear that it would not be a reproduction of identical characteristics, in this case, to an old-fashioned cinema. By contrast, using in 2009, a language that directly does not fit with the new audiences, I doubt it makes much sense. Why shoot something like this, having already got, lots of movies in the style?

To take into consideration, is what would happen if we traveled to the past and showed it in a movie hall and in black and white. It occurs to me that the only thing that would attract attention, would be the unknown cast. Otherwise, they would be seeing the usual.

The way of narrating Alien Trespass is so out of time, resulting in that it becomes boring and predictable, from the very beginning, and that with this, all the suspense immediately dissolves. But again. Five decades ago, it would probably have delighted fans of the genre.

At best can highlighted the very good reconstruction of the late '50s and the choice in the color palette. That is to say that, only in those terms, it stands out. Other than that, it is not worth it.

My rating: 2/10

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"Some times we would like the stork to come"

Title: The Babymakers

Year: 2012

Genre: Adventure, Comedy

Director: Jay Chandrasekhar

Writer: Peter Gaulke, Gerry Swallow

Runtime: 95min

Cast: Paul Schneider, Olivia Munn, Michael Yurchak, Wood Harris, Kevin Heffernan, Nat Faxon, Jay Chandrasekhar

Produc.: Duck Attack Films, Alliance Films, Automatik Entertainment, IM Global

In The Babymakers, Tommy (Paul Schneider) and Audrey Macklin (Olivia Munn) are a young couple, who on the date of their anniversary, decide that they want to be parents. Something that will have its drawbacks.

First scene. Tommy and Audrey sleep in their bedroom with the door open, when they hear the baby mourn. Audrey, still half asleep, tells Tommy that it is his turn, and he, not in better conditions, gets up, closes it and returns to bed. The neighbor´s baby is again only, the neighbors problem.

Tommy returns to his resting, and meanwhile, Audrey remains anxious and thoughtful.

Second scene. They are both in a restaurant, where they have gone to celebrate their three years together. For Audrey, tonight is doubly significant. Smiling, she expresses her husband that she is ready for the next step. Tommy agrees, but then we find out that they do not speak about the same thing. She refers to motherhood, and he, to try new alternatives in bed.

With this introduction, two things are accomplish. It reveals, creatively, of the emptiness that Audrey is feeling, at the lack of kids. To then, trample the good work, with an out of place Tommy and very unromantic. It makes us wonder, how someone would choose an evening like that, to talk about something so intimate, with so little delidacy.

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to watch Maybe Baby (2000). A british film that touched exactly the same issue. In it abounded a sober humor that, although composed by spicy jokes, always tried to prioritize the concerns of Sam (Joely Richardson) and Lucy Bell (Hugh Laurie), the main characters. One could laugh, but never forgot that they suffered.

Unfortunately, Jay Chandrasekhar takes the wrong way, him yes, forgetting of the real problems of Tommy and Audrey. Have they evolved properly, they would have been crucial for constructing a good movie. On the contrary, the director chooses the silliness, creating improbable situations, that only help one to go losing interest, with the passage of the minutes.

At first, both films start from the need of medical examinations, and which give identical results: Lucy and Audrey are in perfect conditions, while Sam and Tommy are those who are failing. The british director keeps us clinging to the marital conflict, while his american counterpart prefers to be funny.

Without going into excesive details, we discover that today´s Tommy is not, reproductively speaking, the same as before. That one, still single and who would become a sperm donor, to get some money and pay for an engagement ring. At the same time, those pre marital donations had been from the good ones, and Tommy now, wants them back. From the moment that he locates the last beneficiary couple, is that the film is no longer, properly counted.

Tommy meets the lucky ones. Two homosexuals, too happy with their purchase as to give him a refund. One of them, however, ends up being more flexible, but in exchange that Tommy makes him happy. By the way, his partner does not have to know.

A joke like this might even be passable, if anything Tommy had said no from the beginning. As instead he consults it with his best friend Wade (Kevin Heffernan), it stops being funny and becomes stupid.

By the end, what abounds more that nothing is the silliness, with Tommy and his unintelligent comrades, Wade and Zigzag (Nat Faxon), planning a robbery at a sperm bank. For that, they engage contact with Ron Jon, an Indian mobster, played by the director himself, and whose contribution in front of the cameras, perhaps for the better, could have been avoided.

If anyone remained unconvinced about whether it's worth to see it, just to say that during the robbery, Wade slips in semen, in a scene that is a mess, I believe, should be enough to know the answer.

My rating: 3/10

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"Now the customers have fins"

Title: Bait

Year: 2012

Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller

Director: Kimble Rendall

Writer: John Kim and Russell Mulcahy (written by) and Shayne Armstrong, Duncan Kennedy, Shane Krause and Justin Monjo (additional writing)

Runtime: 91min

Cast: Xavier Samuel, Sharni Vinson, Julian McMahon, Phoebe Tonkin, Cariba Heine, Alice Parkinson, Lincoln Lewis, Alex Russell, Dan Wyllie, Richard Brancatisano, Joel Amos Byrnes, Ashton Chen, Adrian Pang

Produc.: Bait Productions, Screen Australia, Media Development Authority (MDA), Pictures in Paradise, Blackmagic Design Films, Blackmagic Design, Story Bridge Films

Budget.: AUD 30 million approx.

In Bait, after a tsunami, several people get trapped in a supermarket. The survivors must find a way out, without being eaten by white sharks, that have been brought by the current.

The morning after a bachelor party, Josh (Xavier Samuel), who is a lifeguard, fails to save his girlfriend's brother in a shark attack. That day he loses them both, as Tina (Sharni Vinson) takes it up with him.

Six months later, Josh arrives at his work in a supermarket, in a day that will be full of surprises. Suddenly, two masked men have broken into the place, immediately executing a woman. Something that is not much, compared to what is to come. Moments later, a giant tsunami sweeps away, beach and city, flooding the supermarket.

Survivors in there are to help one another out of the water, to safe places. The lucky ones have been Tina and Steven (Qi Yuwu), her new boyfriend; Jaimie (Phoebe Tonkin) and Todd (Martin Sacks), his police father; Collins (Damien Garvey), Josh and Naomi (Alice Parkinson), local employees; and Doyle (Julian McMahon) and Kirby (Dan Wyllie), the assailants.

Nor has the parking lot had better luck. Because Ryan (Alex Russell), Jaimie's boyfriend, has been trapped in his wagon, like young Heather (Cariba Heine) and Kyle (Lincoln Lewis), a little couple caught in their own car. The only thing left, in both scenarios, is that they realize they are not longer alone. The tsunami has brought two twelve-foot sharks.

I do not know if it was due to little inteligence, lack of interest in the argument, or total ignorance, concerning human psychology, but none of the characters is going to show to be too much nervous about what happens. They almost drowned and now they could be eaten alive, and yet, are unable to shiver, mourn or cry of fear. I am not saying the three had to ocurr, but at least one. With behaviors that do not fit with the situation and regrettable interpretations in itself, it makes it difficult for one to empathize with them. Instead, some survivors find the time to be heroes, or to bring up repressed feelings. Even Steven, turns out to be an asian with such ridiculous survival ideas, that amazes the others would listen.

Living a similar situation we have Heather and Kyle, who in their car look like tucked in a aquarium, with an interesting 360º panoramic view. At first they hear noises or think they can see movements in the water. Once they discover what the threat is, instead of panicking, they prefer to argue over stupidities. The animal rams against them a couple of times, being these the only moments when Heather and Kyle yell. Moreover, it is easy to realize that their characters have been written to make us laugh, something that does not suit with the film.

Lets now continue with the most prominent characters. Because here, the sharks do not get behind. I will forever be in doubt, whether it waser be in doubt, whether it will due to budgetary problems, or to the unwillingness of the FX team and the disinterest of its director. Either way, I believe to have distinguished, both animatronics and digital sharks, and in the second case, they have not gone farther than the most basic and elemental 3D design, insufficient to convey the drama.

I can, however, stand out, that at least some effort was put into the attacks. The death of Mr. Jessup, with the animal leaping from the water and tearing him half body, should be considered of the best. Once the shark dives back, it can be seen in detail what the man has been reduced to below the hip. Only exposed flesh, dripping blood and guts, is what we have now, instead of his legs.

In short, the movie is not good and has many more flaws than attributes. The only reason not to leave it before the end, I think would be the curiosity of seeing the great whites attack, or the humor (though misplaced) of Kyle and Heather.

My rating: 2/10

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"A road that didn´t take just one day"

Title: Into the West  

Year: 2005  

Genre: Western, Adventure, Drama, History 

Format: Miniseries 

Director: Robert Dornhelm, Simon Wincer, Sergio Mimicca-Gezzan, Michael W. Watkins and Timothy Van Patten 

Writer: William Mastrosimone, Cyrus Nowrasteh, Craig Storper and Kirk Ellis 

Runtime: 552min 

Cast: Matthiew Settle, Skeet Ulrich, Michael Spears, Tonantzin Carmelo, George Leach, Zahn McClarnon, Simon R. Baker, Sean Blakemore, Josh Brolin, Garey Busey, Will Patton, Francesco Quinn, Geno Silva, Alan Tudyk, Beau Bridges, Jessica Capshaw, Emily Holmes, Robert Maloney, Keri Russell, Jay Tavare, Nathaniel Arcand, Sean Astin, Irene Bedard, Gil Birmingham, Tyler Christopher, Balthazar Getty, Daniel Gillies, Graham Greene, Christian Kane, Russell Means, Matthiew Modine, Tyler Posey, John Terry, Sheila Tousey, Rachael Lee Cook, Annabella Piugattuk, Tom Berenger, Wes Studi

Budget: $50 million approx. 

In Into the West, through two families, one white and the other of native americans, we are told the process by which the white man would eventually end up taking over the entire territory of the United States. 

Steven Spielberg serves as executive producer in this six-part miniseries, which runs from 1820 to 1890. It shows the endless fight between these two races, held during the conquest of the west, and the final fall of the indians. 

Jacob Wheeler (Matthiew Settle) is a young wheelwright, who early in the century lives and works in the fictional Wheelerton, Virginia, with his family. One day, a mountaineer speaks wonders of the western frontier, and Jacob decides to leave home and go to see it. He is accompanied, on this trip, by his brother Nathan (Alan Tudyk). 

In another setting we have the Lakotas, whose elderly medicine man, Growling Bear (Gordon Tootoosis), has had a disturbing vision. He has been informed of what will happen if things follow the current course. Very soon there will come a day when there are no more buffalos on the prairies. 

To something so controversial, Soaring Eagle (Gerald Auger), his apprentice, manages to convince the tribe to ignore this prophecy. Meanwhile, the small White Feather (Chevez Ezaneh) intends to investigate this on his own. Shortly before his death, Growling Bear gives him a necklace that symbolizes the Lakota medicine wheel. This will pass from generation to generation, in every episode. 

Going back to Jacob, our character manages to find legendary explorer Jedediah Smith (Josh Brolin), where fiction (Jacob) and reality (Smith) are combined. After even confronting together with death, they separate. Jacob ends up taking part in an auction, where for sale there is an indian girl. He, like the other bidders, gives higher figures every time, not hesitating to clarify his aim of freeing the captive, and that amuses anyone. Jacob is challenged to a duel and comes out victorious, then him and the indian Thunder Heart Woman (Tonantzin Carmelo) take the way to the Lakotas. Already in the tribe, Jacob hopes to make her his wife, finding no opposition. Jacob and her get married, and a few years later, they are the happy parents of Abraham High Wolf, Jacob Jr. High Cloud and Margaret Light Shines. 

Each chapter provides an opportunity to care and learn about the historical background of the United States, while one is entertained by spectacularly recreated battle scenes, between indians and white men. Also, there´s the various sub plots, which are always uniting, one another, it´s characters. With the advance of the narrative, the first protagonists, whites or lakotas, cease to be the ones to be directly affected by the circumstances, becoming the new generations, the ones living the new changes. 

Thanks to an extremely carefully writing, has been that the times that this miniseries granted to every detail were correct. From the arrival to California and Oregon, conducted by Jedediah Smith and his group of riders (1826), until such moments as the invention of the telegraph (1844), the election of Lincoln (1860) or the patenting of the barbed wire ( 1874). 

However, beyond the anecdotal of any significant date, it should be clear what is the central, intended purpose. Here, it is seek, more than anything, that we see and understand, how exactly would be that the white man would classify as "his", this territory, which in fact had already got an owner. Luckily, it is not made the mistake of showing all whites as bad people, something that would have been unfair and untrue. The miniseries works a lot with the nuances, showing those whose desire was clearly to conquer, and those who had only wanted peace. It also explains the various reasons that would prevent the indians from defeating this cruel enemy. 

Into the West is, in my opinion, the most entertaining of the history courses. The kind that one would never want, to reach its end. 

My rating: 9/10

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"Been one of us has it´s price"

Title: Undocumented

Year: 2010

Genre: Horror

Director: Chris Peckover

Writer: Chris Peckover, Joe Peterson

Runtime: 96min

Cast: Scott Mechlowicz, Alona Tal, Yancey Arias, Greg Serano, Kevin Weisman, Peter Stormare

Produc.: Sheperd Glen Productions

Budget: $1.400.000 million approx.

In Undocumented, a team of documentary students joins a group of mexicans, with the intention of registering their illegal crossing over into the United States.

Travis (Scott Mechlowicz) is the director; Davie (Greg Serano), the cameraman; Jim (Kevin Weisman), the soundguy; and Liz (Alona Tal), the producer. These four friends have decided to follow from very close, an attempt of emigration. It is clear that for them, the end justifies the means.

Shortly before departing, the team meets Alberto (Yancey Arias), one of those interested in leaving. With the introductions being made, Alberto talks to the camera. This man, who is about to break the law, smiles as he tells his story, happy for the opportunity that is oppening to him tomorrow. His story is summarized as a great desire for giving a better quality of life to his wife and daughter.

Before we appreciate what is that awaits them both, filmmakers as mexicans, this complex socio – political issue will have quickly been raised to us. This, probably very difficult to understand, if one has not been born in one of these two northern countries.

During the interview, at no time Alberto appears to be conceited, and instead, his joy is sincere. With this, what I mean to say is that this individual probably never wanted to get to this point, if could been avoided. His situation, however, would eventually end up forcing him to have to resort to such measures. Whether or not, justifiably, that's another thing. I, of course, just expose it, aware that it is much easier to say it from the outside, when not being in one of the two sides.

The film crew then follows the steps of these illegals. With them, they first go through an underground tunnel. Then they get into a truck, from where before they had been flashed the lights. Once they are all up is when the risks are increased, until luck abandons them.

Undocumented takes to the extreme, and to the last and most unthinkable consequences, the rejection of the intruder. The usual, in a case of this nature, would be that one ended up meeting with the border patrol. In this case, that would be even laughable. Instead of law abiding sane people, what they come across with is a band of hooded patriots, who take their offense too much seriously. Their leader is the dreaded Z (Peter Stormare), a sadist for whom the unallowed crossing means they deserve to be punished.

When filmmakers and mexicans are imprisoned, the situation for the Spanish speakers is the worst, because they might end up being tortured in the style of Hostel (2006). But for the students team, Z has already booked other plans. Since they are filmmakers, of them filming his atrocities to the letter, depends whether or not he finishes with them. But what is clear to all is that with these hooded men you do not play. The thing is that Z has already got in his facilities a collection of illegals, who are trapped in inhumane conditions.

There are two scenes in the film that stand out for their cruelty. In one, we see how Z grants the freedom to Selina (Lorel Medina), Alberto´s daughter, and who should immediately leave her parents and run away, if she wants to save herself. Z tells the girl which way she has to follow, but aware that the fear will eventually play a trick on her. Later, in a failed attempt of escape, the youngsters get to see how the kid had ended tangled in the barbed wire that surrounded the area. A really raw and daunting picture, and more for Alberto.

In another scene, Alberto is sitting before a displayed American flag and has to answer correctly to questions of American history. For every answer that he does not knows, his wife will be severely punished. The scene itself seeks to generate pain, although it does, again, reference to political matters.

In the end, Undocumented is an entertaining horror film, which takes this social problem of always, and tries to imagine what it would be like if there were more extreme reprimands.

My rating: 7/10

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"A place with waiters and trayless waiters"

Title: Chef´s Special

Year: 2008

Genre: Comedy, Romance

Director: Nacho G. Velilla

Writer: Oriol Capel, David S. Olivas, Antonio Sánchez, Nacho G. Velilla

Runtime: 111min

Cast: Javier Cámara, Lola Dueñas, Benjamín Vicuña, Fernando Tejera, Alejandra Lorenzo, Junio Valverde

Produc.: Ensueño Films, Antena 3 Televisión, Canguro Produzioni Internazionali Cinematografiche

Budget: € 400 million approx.

In Chef's Special, Maxi (Javier Cámara) is an excellent chef, of homosexual inclination, whose work in his restaurant is disrupted when he has to take care of his two children, recently motherless. At the same time, he and his waitress Alex (Lola Dueñas) meet his new apartment neighbor, Horacio (Benjamín Vicuña), for whom they both feel attracted.

Maxi owns "The Xantarella" a Madrid restaurant, located in the district of Chueca. For him, his greatest aspiration has always been to show off to the critics, so he can be able to consolidate himself, earning a Michelin star. Since this is a comedy, it is precisely that one of the first funny situations happens when Ramiro (Fernando Tejera), in charge of the desserts, confuses a representative of tires with a critic.

Also that day, Alex shows up in the kitchen, cursing all men, dripping tears and drinking alcohol, frustrated with her last relationship.

This is how, in a few minutes, the director has presented the type of character that would be necessary, so that later, we can laught out loud.

Soon after, two situations occur that lead the poor Maxi to feel he is into trouble. On the one hand, the mother of his children (with whom things were already over long ago, and who now had a terminal illness), dies, leaving him Alba (Alejandra Lorenzo), a girl, and Edu (Junio ​​Valverde), a teenager. For Maxi, none of this was in his plans and he is terrified, not knowing what to do.

As if this were not enough, a new neighbor, former argentinian footballer Horacio moves into his building, resulting in Alex´s immediate crush on him, and that her behavior becomes stunned, not aware that such a handsome young man actually plays for the other team.

Chef's Special is a comedy that takes advantage of the mysteries of the search for love (be it, of whatever type), but above all and most of all, using the always controversial issue of discrimination. The jokes, though somewhat heavy, never fall into vulgarity. What the film clearly gives to understand, is that any homosexual willing to enjoy it, should be, with the film, able to laugh at oneself.

It is a proposal that has managed to combine very good humor, with the transmission of values, knowing Nacho G. Velilla quite well, when it was time to joke, and when, the time of delivering a good message of acceptance, in a society that is exclusive.

Also, it is granted some space to the matter of the single parent family, which neither encourages nor punishes. We are simply described the meaning of having to live in such circumstances. In this case, where we have, on the one hand, a man who, for the first time must exercise that role without even beeing sure of wanting it. And on the other hand, with two kids, who at the recent death of their mother, must get used to living with someone with whom until then, they had never had any connection.

My rating: 7/10

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